duality or disease?

do they know I rot inside?

---

it looks like they don’t.

from the stance of another

from a distance that is close enough to feel the radiation

but far enough to not get sick –

---

i appear most proficient, stable and secure.

i don’t just take life in my stride

i am on a path where ugly, lame desires do not exist.

i am on the path of a free man

my vices are as cute as they are symbols of an authentic

kind of genius.

---

but what if they didn’t look?

what if they listened instead.

they would hear nothing

but the sound of rotting.

---

the faint buzz of fruit flies swipes down into

the buzzing of youtube shorts

to topics i cannot relate to

but can judge

to people i cannot relate to

on any vector but emptiness.

---

for a minute

the fear of inadequacy

and lack of meaning

greater than my unchecked checklist

---

is numb.

---

once again, i hide from what could be.